Emergency Questions: 1001 conversation-savers for any situation

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Emergency Questions: 1001 conversation-savers for any situation

Emergency Questions: 1001 conversation-savers for any situation

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Would you rather co-own a car with Jimmy Carr, a lorry with Laurie Anderson, or a van with Van Morrison? When I did a marathon rewatch of the whole of This Life – you can find highlights from my observations on that here – I intentionally omitted This Life + 10 as I hate it that much. If you could be king of any genus of living creatures and have them do your bidding, which animal or creature or type of human – could be anything – would you have do your bidding? Would you put the chipped ones at the back and only use them when you had to or would you put them at the front and use them more because if they get chipped again it won’t matter if they get broken it won’t matter as much? If you had to bathe in excrement, what animal or individual human’s excrement would you choose to bathe in?

My only real mistake was tagging in Eve Myles, who must have been inundated with irrelevant notifications she didn’t ask for. It’s true; everyone else seemed to prefer Taffy Dare – the blonde big-haired Southern-accented one who said ‘ZOWIE! What would you rather have named after you: the public toilet in the centre of your town or an embarrassing disease?The guest’s response to the emergency question can be found in the “Emergency Questions” section of the blog post. The main reason I’m mentioning this here is because whenever I refer to Top Cat as ‘Boss Cat’ even as an obvious joke, I get inundated with replies ‘explaining’ this backstory to me, even on occasions when I have clearly referenced the explanation myself. Meanwhile for more upbeat if still baffled thoughts on modern dating and how they changed the rules without telling us – and how you can’t make compilation tapes to impress someone any more – head here. As a youngster I was made to go and see the Queen drive past after she opened the Liverpool International Garden Festival.

If your house was on fire, what three items would you definitely leave behind or even surreptitiously throw into the flames when no one was looking?Containing 1,001 conversation starters from one of our most cherished comedians, along with plenty of answers from the many household names who’ve appeared on his podcast, this book is virtually guaranteed to remove any social anxiety from your life, and will raise your repartee-game to new heights. Others still brought up the spectacularly unsuccessful mid-eighties advertising campaign featuring the ‘Dairy Crunch Bunch’, and off-the-peg ad-hoc assembly of Anglicised versions of post-Bratpack American High School student stereotypes. Generally reserved for uncooperative pets, the admonishment to Wordsworth the dog was delivered by Jamie’s mother at the conclusion of every episode of ITV children’s programme Jamie And The Magic Torch. After you have been anally violated by the chocolate bar, who would you like to then eat the chocolate bar, not knowing where it had been, whilst you secretly watch them?

Do you think it’s possible that we’re all robots that we are all robots and we don’t know we’re robots? This one always brings the ‘actually, it’s…’ brigade out in force, desperately keen to tell me that there’s no great mystery and what actually happened was actually incoming Head of Tedium Charles McHaltenwood thought a new broom was needed and while he was trying out the new broom he accidentally brushed the new contract out of the window because they needed to save money and he was costing too much and his ties were too paisley etc, but that really does just sound like what certain parties want us to believe rather than own up to their own mistakes (and that’s even if they were just ‘mistakes’).If you choose the water wheel you will only be underwater for about for about 30 seconds of each revolution but it would be very sunny and you won’t be allowed sun cream or to be released from the water wheel to go to the toilet. They were actually very difficult to win at, partly because they were designed to avoid allowing you to reach a stage where it might end up having to pay out money – those timers were incredibly tight – and also because you would invariably find yourself getting unwanted ‘help’ from a drunk person you didn’t know who would slam their hands down on the wrong answer button with the speed, demeanour and severity of someone being administered a mild electric shock, and then exclaim “AHW!

Sarah Jane Smith was one of Doctor Who‘s fellow time-travellers alongside both Jon Pertwee and Tom Baker, who was popular enough to star in a spin-off pilot with robot dog K9, and then later still to drop in on David Tennant and land her own full-scale spin-off series – The Sarah Jane Adventures – that ran to tremendous success alongside the revived Doctor Who. Would you rather have the ability to shoot bees out of your eyes or have a pair of shoes that never needed to be cleaned or repaired? If you could have any superpower, would you use it to become president of the world, or to make sure there’s always a plentiful supply of avocados? Would you rather have a hand made out of ham, an armpit that dispensed sun cream, or a tit that dispensed talcum powder?This was in a student union bar after an early Echobelly gig and it’s weird to think back now to just how big a deal pub quiz machines were at the time, especially the ones based around television game shows. Picking on my numb and distraught tribute to Jo – which you can find here – is just plain fucking weird. He was accompanied by an equally unconvincing He-Man – also sporting a rubber face for some reason – who shook hands and doled out the free gift to the lucky youngsters who had queues for several hours; a small Masters Of The Universe promotional poster, which had also been given away free in innumerable comics in the six months or so leading up to this. Would you rather read this book cover to cover every day for the rest of your life, or never read again? If you had to have sex with an animal, if you had to, what animal would you have sex with, if you had to?



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